September 2010
August 2010
Anonymous asked: i just had to tell you this. i admire you alot and i always have. youre just an amazing person in every way, honest. youre funny as fuck, youre nice, but not in the irritating way. youre beautiful. and everything. im doing this anonymously because i dont think you think too highly of me but here. (= youre amazing.
chrisohno asked: Hey if you need to talk, I and a ton of people other people are here.
kalalaniamakalii asked: no youre pretty. and i love you ^_______^
Half moon?
I’m so not used to being alone in my room. Falling asleep alone. Not having the comfort and warmth of another body next to mine. Having no heartbeat to lay on and lull me to sleep; no arm to hold me. Nobody to drown with into sleep by means of sleeping pills.
Just a quiet “goodnight” to myself while holding my pillow, pretending and waiting for the moonlight to take me. I drove...
“She was terrific to hold hands with. Most girls if you hold hands with them,...”
– The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger (via thechocolatebrigade)
900
I was supposed to get the implant birth control today. But I had a bunch of questions to ask my doctor about it, leaving me with doubts. He said it’s perfectly fine and gave me another three days to decide. And I still have some time before the shot that I got a few months earlier should wear off. I get into the car with my mom and what does she do? She talks to me like I’m some kind...
“I want to say somewhere: I’ve tried to be forgiving. And yet. There were times...”
– The History of Love, Nicole Krauss (via fuckyeahliteraryquotes) (via flashbackevacuation)
“The thing about addiction; is it never ends well, because eventually whatever it...”
– Greys Anatomy (via flashbackevacuation)
“You didnt love her, because you dont destroy the person you love.”
– Greys Anatomy (via flashbackevacuation)
Holy shit.
I have never gotten as fucked up as I did within these past few days. I have slept for all of 2 hours for the last two days. Friday night:
Drank and sulked by myself in my room.
Took a bunch of random pills.
Was too depressed to go to sleep.
Finally passed out for two hours.
Woke up two hours later with a hangover.
Saturday:
It’s 6AM. I’m fucking upset and exhausted.
I go...
“A priest is rushing to my side; begins to read me my last rites. Father...”
– The Priest and the Matador
And so,
My story comes to a close. This chapter has ended. Closed book, there are no feelings of enlightenment or success. Once again, new found will pulls me through. Being stubborn is my best and worst trait. I have no feelings to spare or one liners to give to you all about some life lesson or cliche. Just empty, black space. There are no stars. They’re already long dead to us. The night...
“An you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic...”
– Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami (via thechocolatebrigade)
“And I don’t know what difference it made, this sudden flash. It wasn’t like I...”
– A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby (via thechocolatebrigade)
“I close my eyes and I let my body shut itself down and I let my mind wander. It...”
– A Million Little Pieces by James Frey (via thechocolatebrigade)
I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of all of the anger. I hate my temperamental problems. I will change myself. I want everything to be ok again. There is nothing more in the world that I want right now. I have a lot to prove to you. So, so much. But one day I will. Even if you continue to hate me I will still try. Because I still want to. Even if you’ve given up on me....
Bend and Break.
I don’t really know what to say. Other than everything hurts. All the way down to my soul and even past that. It pains me in places that I didn’t even knew existed until today. I’m hungover and tired and I can’t sleep. I get up every hour. And I told you I couldn’t sleep alone tonight. And my thoughts are all focused on you. Here I am, bare-backed, your slave,...
The kpins dull out everything enough for me to handle myself. But even without them I can still hold myself up. Maybe that says a lot, maybe it doesn’t. Just dull out all of the lights in this city. And the stars- they shine brighter than ever.
New found will.
This is what keeps me going. Sometimes being stubborn isn’t so bad.
I dislike this feeling of trying so hard to live minute by minute. But I’ve been here before, even worse than I am now, and I know I can get through this. But each second seeps away at my will to live. And I want to run back but I know that I cannot. Because nothing will change. And I know nothing will because I’ve waited and waited and everything remained the same. But I’m...
Dear;
I think I’ve come to a sudden halt in this short and crazy journey. It was short lived. And I can’t really deny myself anymore. I’m more of a selfish person, really. Because I have become comfortable with this feeling. But I’m not being honest with myself. I’m not being honest with you. Trying just doesn’t cut it anymore. There are no excuses. I have no excuses....
Tired of everything.
I give up.
And I will remember your name and face On the day you are judged by the funhouse cast And I will rejoice in your fall from grace With a cane to the sky like ‘None Shall Pass’
